Paths, reasons, and perfection…

Always wanting more, always looking for ways to release. Through life I walked down many paths, had many reasons to do so, and strove for this thing called perfection. It’s a hard lonely road actually, even with friends by my side, there are times where I feel all alone. Solitude maybe, selfishness probably. I’ve walked a dream, i’ve experienced so many things in life, and I long for more, yet am afraid to go further.

The paths before me, have again spread into two different sections. On one side it’s of an entrepeneur, on the other a dancer. As I look down at my feet, I see the words ‘Chef’. Funny how these things can happen, where one time we want to be that, and when we face reality, we become afraid, and at times try to move somewhere else.

Dance was a hobby, a fun get away from the realities of life, a way to be a kid again, truly and wholely, away from all the troubles of life. Of conspiracies, of plots, of intrigue, of emotions. I felt really free, and as I delved deeper into that world, I felt pulled, I felt enlightened, I felt more and more at peace. I felt happy.

Dance is now my passion, it is what I feel embodies me. I strive so hard for perfection, to be like my idols, Popping Pete, Tony Tran, Mike Song, Andre Bidu, Mr Wiggles, Slick Dogg, Joel, Ean, and many more. I couldn’t help but wonder, what it is like to be like them, to eat sleep and talk dance. The rigorous trainings they have all undergone, the devotion, the determination. I love dancing.

I am still afraid though, I keep thinking, maybe it’s just a short term thing, just like being a Chef. But I do still love cooking, but I don’t want it to be professionally.

Again, and again, I feel this longing, it came back, people say the single life is the best, but maybe that’s for you. For me, I want someone I could talk to, someone who loves me for who I am, someone who I can love back without feeling any awkwardness. And yet again, i’ve fallen. No, it’s not a rebound, nor do I think it’s something short term. The personality. Oh the personality. *shrug*

It’s really sad, to look at others, with all their love for each other, and just feel jealous of them at times. It’s really bad of me, I should be happy for them, and I am, but just watching them sometimes, when those emotions deep within my heart just goes “Damn them” I can’t help but just be jealous.

This is why I delved deeper in dance in the first place. My own world, not knowing when people are watching, not knowing when people are talking to you. Releasing all those emotions deep within myself, out in a form of movements. God, I so want to learn Jazz, and New Style.

Anyways, I’ve had enough of this already, so I’m just going to try to doze off. Good Night.

Sore Body, Tight Lungs. . .

Trainings really hurt. My body hurts right now. I’m sick. I got home 30 minutes ago. But it’s been FUNNNNN~ As you all already know, I’m joining a competition on the 7th of November. So, this will probably be on stage, if not around many people. I will be battling… well losing, to other dancers. So, to not destroy my ego, and look stupid. I’ve been training myself… alot.

Popping drills. Waving drills. Krump Drills. All for technique. Then freestyling. And I’m feeling so tired right now. I tried dancing with a cough. It seriously helps in breathing. After of course the gasping for air, the moving around looking hopeless, and the occasional flop on the floor. But oh well, c’est la vie. Anyways, after that practiced, I went out with Ken(Maynard) for dinner. Ate some sushi. Something light. Cold Soba noodles, chuka lidako, and a chawanmushi. We chatted about the things going around in college, and work.

It’s been a long time since I had such a long chat with him. It made me feel great. Went to T.G.I to see the Pirate Lady, which looks like she’s wearing a cheong-sam from afar, and has high leather boots *rawr wink wink* Owh personal note, go get some sleep la, later you sleep while standing at the hostess stand then you know. Chatted for abit, then we headed to yam cha. Talked, gossiped, and One Tree Hill’d. Sadly it ended. But it was great. GREAT. GREAAAAAAAT! Okay bye. Yes I know random. ahaha.

Sore legs, and more training. . .

No no, it’s not foos, nor pool. Now it’s…. *drum roll*

DONEDED! Popping~!

This is the story of today…

Once upon an early morning, Jon woke up to the sound of his alarm and his dad knocking on the door. He went to take a shower after releasing himself of some weightage. He put on his clothes, got his bag, and left for college, all the while thinking “Dammit I wanna sleep!”

In the car, Jon busied himself with his laptop. Assignments? Projects? College Work? No way, Jon was busily playing Suidoken 2 using the PS1 Emulator System he got from Hadi, his MALAY friend. As he reached college, he got off, then headed to the class.

1 cigarette later, Jon reached the class and finds it… empty. All but one person was there, HADI. With curiosity, Jon asked Hadi if there was class today. Hadi replied that he didn’t know. Jon then called his other MALAY friend Ozeir. “Ey, today got english anot?” Jon asked. “No, class canceled what, I’m at Uma” Ozeir replied. After hearing our discussion on the phone, Hadi then said, “Big Foot, High Table” and kicked the Table. Jon just laughed.

Reaching Uma, we found Ozeir and Dini. They sat down, and chatted over a drink, they had 2 hours to wait you see. 3… maybe 4 cigarettes later, it was time for class. This part of the story seems to have blanked out, the only reason this could happen was if Jon had shut off his brain. Well the story continues on after class. Jon and his friends, 2 MALAYS and 3 Chinese, this included Jon, went for lunch. They chatted about the assignments, and about other activities, like WoW, and… WoW. Well actually it’s not they, just Jon and Weiren.

After lunch, they headed to the next class. Funny, again the story became blank. Now it continues on to another class, Entrepreneurship. It was a blast, lots of laughs, lots of pork, lots of other things. It was chilling. Jon then had a discussion about HR, but in his mind was, “Lazy to do lahhhhhh =(“. Then after the discussion, Jon and Ozeir tried to Choreograph a few moves. Didn’t really work, due to the lack of space and mirrors. Oh well.

The End

Moral of the Story : Ummmmm…. XD

P.S. You have just wasted a few seconds or minutes of your life.

Nyeh, things happen, and you say things you don’t mean…

Today was great, seriously great, I had a cook out with Andy and Maynard at my house. Gay fest! Lol kidding, but I was lonely in the house with my mom and dad away. So, I decided to make a free for all cook out, anything you wanna cook is up to you.

Le Menu

-Roast Chicken (Experiment, wanted to get the crispy crust, ALMOST WORKED!)

-Bayaldi, Or something parmesano (I forgot, sorry Maynard! XD)

-Mousse Cake with ganache (Andy, seriously, it was damn nice man)

-One Tree Hill Season 3 and 2!

-Beer

-Ice Cream

-Fruit Punch

It was great fun, first it was Jusco with Maynard, Wife and Husband shopping LOL! Got our ingredients, before that we ate at a hawker stall. Next off we went to get the One Tree Hill CD’S from Kens house, then off to home. After Marinating the chicken, we sat and relaxed waiting for Andy to arrive.

Andy arrived soon after, prepared his mousse and walnut base. We relaxed watching the DRAMA of One Tree Hill, then started cooking. Well overall it was a great experience and great fun. After that, the usual 7th Floor appeared ahahaha.

Oh btw, the before post, ignore it, I said things which I should not have said. Anger Rants are never good =) Sorry if I hurt anyone with it.

Well that’s it, time to go chat around and read some manga! Tataz~

P.S. CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN! Lol~ I bet you’re going “swt, how many times you want to say~” Hehe XD

I’ve lost…

I’ve lost something precious, something simple, yet complicated. I’ve lost innocence. I can’t turn away from all these questions, all these thoughts, all these feelings. I’ve been naive, to think I would be a better person, would be a better friend. I keep things in, things which people won’t know. I vent some out through activities, but that doesn’t mean it’s over.
I’ve kept so many things in my heart, i’ve tried so hard to honestly tell it. I have always thought honesty is best. But it seems I does not, through honesty you are called insensitive, a badass, a bastard, a fucker. I’m just so tired of it, maybe I should be one of those who just keeps things to himself, never letting it out, not to anyone.

I put on a smile, blasting away worries of others. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I joke alot, and there are many things which I don’t mean, but by seeing my face, people misunderstand.

Friends, i’ve always loved each of my friends, some more, some less. I don’t want to lose any of them, I really don’t. But at times things happen, feelings get hurt, some not forgiven. I still try to put on a smile for each of them, no matter how much pain I feel, I smile. Some people don’t care whether they lose a friend, always throwing old ones, and getting new ones. I do care, and it hurts everytime, even now.

What is love between friends? To be able to accept who they are? To be able to share and trust them wholeheartedly? To pull through with friendship no matter what hurt they did? To put them first over love? To not break it when times are bad? Heh I don’t know, let me just face it, i’m nothing.

This is stupid, yet why am I typing it? Why am I being honest? I’m honest when I say I hate and love life. I’m honest when I tell a person what I think, what I feel. But, I just don’t know how to express it. Ah this is all fucked up. I’m heading to sleep, gotta wake up early tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be better.

Live life with no regrets. Yeah right, no matter what we’ll all have regrets. I’m regretting what I have said, but I can’t pull those words back, because if this goes on, I think it’ll just hurt me and others more. Nights.

To be forgiven is not something you take for granted.

Eye open big big, still cannot wei~

 

Competitive Foosball. It ain’t all fun and games anymore O.O

And so many rules nyeh.